You know you're Lao when...


1. You can name all the ingredients that go into thum mak hoong.

2. At least one person drives a Honda in your family.

3. You have more than one generation living in your house.

4. Everyone in your house eats out of the same bowl.

5. You've got a jar of fermenting fish heads in the bottom cabinet FOR THUM MAK HOONG.

6. Your last name is a bazillion letters long and everyone screws it up trying to pronounce it.

7. You will get smacked for wearing your shoes in the house...this includes your slippers with the three-headed elephant brand.

8. Your grandma has an Asian perm...think about it.

9. At one point, you must have helped a dad or an uncle slaughter a duck for bloody lap.

10. You or someone close to you has a Lao nickname of "short, fat, skinny....etc."

11. Your parents dry meat in the back yard...sometimes on the clothesline.

12. You have a cousin that’s a thug.

13. Your brother/sister is a slut.

14. Your parents trip when u get a B on a report card

15. In the summer time u turn extremely dark (almost black).

16. Your parents play that karaoke sh*t, get drunk, talk loud, and make u clean sh*t up.

17. Rice goes with anything.

18. Your house smells weird.

19. You (guys) shave your head and eye brows and rock a robe when family dies (bwoat).

20. You still wash dishes the old school way.

21. Somebody asks u what u are and when you say "lao" and they go "what the f**k is that?"

22. your parents yell at u for no damn reason.

23. You got a mechanic in the family.

24. You were in the rave scene in the 90s.

25. Girls got the reddish hair or black... or with streaks.

26. Your parents are secretly racist.

27. Chances are, most of your parents escaped Laos to get over here.

28. You have strict ass parents.

29. You get pissed when people say your Filipino, Chinese, Viet, Japanese, Hmong etc.

30. When there's a party (birthday, marriage, baby shower... etc) usually all the adults are gambling.

31. your mom can’t say broccoli or various other words in English

32. You walk into the kitchen and open up a butter container and u end up finding smelly stuff in it.

33. Ur parents can handle hot ass thum mak houng and anything else spicy.

34. Someone in your family has a Lao first name.

35. Ur grandpa goes fishing.

36. Funerals are long.

37. When driving, you cuss in lao.

38. You fail English class.

39. You hear the mock lock guy coming with his dice and mat.

40. You have pho every month or week.

41. You have a frozen fish in your freezer without a bag or anything.

42. You have too many cousins and forget their names sometimes.

43. you have a pile of flip-flops by each entrance to your house

44. you eat just about everything with your hands

45. you call everyone who's lao "aunt" or "uncle"

46. nothing beats sitting on the floor eating sticky rice
47. You have a 40 lb. bag of rice in your pantry

48. You've had to sit through karaoke videos with scantily clad, ugly Asian women attempting to dance and walk around a temple, forest, or library

49. You've had to eat parts of animals they don't even put in hot dogs

50. You're still reading up to this point!

51. Your parents lie about your age so that they get to pay less at a buffet

52. when ur parents think of Survivor as a free vacation

53. The weddings you go to have 600 people in attendance

54. When your last name has more than 7 letters.

55. When ur mom wears a "SIN" and goes to "Wat".

56. you watch King of the Hill because they got a lao guy up in there!

57. your parents probably know everyone's parents in this group but you just cannot figure out who the hell they are!

58. If you have 2 birthdays…your legitimate birthday and the one you chose for immigration purposes

59. u gotta share a room with ur sister and brother

60. ur mom buys clothes 3x bigger than your size and say u can wear it next year

61. you have a garden in your backyard and there are no flowers in it

62. the number 9 is a lucky number (especially when you're playing cards...)

63. your last name has a useless "h" somewhere.

64. you bet on the Lotto 6/49 Bonus number

65. you eat khay louk

66. you know how to play 6 cards or tham dang (red card)

67. someone in your family sells "louk seen" (meat balls)

68. ur mom is stuck on the phone for 5 hours talking shit about other lao people

69. your grandma loves to KEAW MACK and miss the bucket because she's so old and can't see anymore!

70. you have guests visiting and they sleep either in your room or on the living room floor

71. your mum ALWAYS talks freakin' loud on the phone, like it has bad reception or something

72. you will still eat something that smells rotten and will make you run to the bathroom

74. you have a "Sat" (floor mat) in your house or in the trunk of your car...

75. you make homemade beef jerky on a dirty window screen

76. someone asks you your last name you reply by saying "Let me spell it for you."

77. Every party or wedding you've been to has an OPEN BAR.

78. The family car has a knitted Kleenex box protector.

79. when you mention the word "Laotian". your friends say "what? ocean?"

80. when your parents don't believe in air conditioning-- they're immune to heat

81. ur ashamed to have friends over when you eat dry squid (smells raunchy but sure tastes good!)

82. when your parents speak French better than English at times

83. you have a decked out karaoke machine in your living room

84. your house has too many fake flowers

85. your good friends know all the swear words

86. you leave the house when your mom is frying dry peppers -- you don't want to cough to death

87. you lie to your friends about certain meats that ur eating

88. you didn't notice there #73 is not on this list

89. You feel the need to purchase big screen TVs (preferably Sony) and Louis Vuitton handbags to impress other Laotians

90. Your liquors of choice are Courvoisier and Hennessey

91. You have that uncle in your family who always drinks too much, makes a fool of himself and the family and turns really RED

92. When you burn yourself, your parents’ remedy is to apply toothpaste directly to the burn and Vicks vapour rub cures everything else

93. You eat moo foy in a rice bun

94. Your grandpa calls you “buk hum”

95. Instead of using the showerhead, u the bucket that’s in the tub

96. Someone in the family has a kitchen in the garage or…

97. Your mom does most of her cooking in the backyard on a gas burner

98. Your dad made little wooden seats out of planks so you can sit/squat a few inches off the ground

99. You have black and white photos of your unhappy grandparents

100. You talk to your cat/dog in Lao

101. You wrap pants around your neck to see if they’ll fit your waist

102. You were young, your mom used to chew your food for you…ew
104. The first thing your grandma asks you is, “gin kaow la bor?” (have you eaten) and anyone else who walks in the house

105. You get yelled at by your family for not eating a chicken wing bone dry

106. You like to *Enter Explicit Here* your papayas

107. when there is wet underwear or bras hanging to dry in the bathroom cuz the older folks bathe in their underwear

108. when you eat solid square clumps of blood in your congee

109. your dad plugs one nostril and blows out the other to clear his nose in public...ew again

110. your remote control is covered in Saran wrap

111. you would rather sit on the floor than the comfy-ass couch when watching karaoke

112. you have a three-headed elephant somewhere in the house

113. you say ur Thai to avoid any unwanted confusion

114. you own three or more DVD players

115. you are parked along a non-paid parking meter then your mom tells you to wait in the car for a bit. She returns an hour later

116. you pay for coffee using pennies, nickels, dimes

117. you have proper technique when slapping cards on the table!

118. You enter another Laotian’s house without knocking

119. you wake up in the morning to the smell of sticky rice and eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner

120. your friends find sticky rice on random parts of ur body and clothes

121. your keyboards are set to input Lao or Thai characters

122. your family goes to Laos and comes back with tons of fake brand-name purses

123. you get 25 cents for every white hair you pull from your mom's hair

124. you have a gold temple style ornament with multiple long red strings hanging from your rear view mirror in your car

125. you have no use for a food processor 'cause u smash, grind, mix everything in your "kok"

126. you were the only 2 yr old rockin gold jewelry

127. your old man offers shots of whiskey to visitors and everyone drinks from the same shot glass

128. you can read this list and laugh at it

129. when you dance with ur hands (aka fawn)

130. you run out of space filling out forms

131. your grandparents tie white strings around your wrist for good luck

132. your parents spend hrs lecturing you on one subject and keep repeating the same thing again...and again...and again

133. a lao kid is getting married and the mom invites 500 of her closest relatives and leaves you with only 100 for your friends and partners side

134. you eat crab apples or mango with spicy jaeo

135. your parents drink black label with Pepsi

136. moms are gambling and you grew up hearing "OOOOOOOOOOIIYY"

137. you have a new baby cousin and they sing "thing noy noy" while bouncing them on their knees

138. your grandma won't buy things over 5 dollars 'cause it's too expensive

139. your mom tries to yell at you and thinks she speaks good English and makes a fool out of herself

140. your parents get mad at you and call you "ee nah mah" or "buck na mah"

141. you celebrate new yrs 7 times a year

142. a white person comes to ur house and someone tries to tell them everything "tastes like chicken"

143. your car smells like ur house..which smells like the Asian market

144. you've memorized the number to order at the pho restaurant

145. your mom goes to "han lao" to buy food and lottery

146. someone tries to guess ur nationality.. an hr later you have to tell them ur Lao

147. relatives ask u to step on their back

148. you're taller than ur a foot

149. ur parents never get ur age right

150. ur parents say 30 mins and it really means 2 hrs when u ask them to go home from a party

151. u have half a chicken wing and a spoonful of rice in ur fridge

152. every song ur parents listen to sound exactly the same

153. ur own kids won't be able to speak Lao

154. ur parents say ur losing the language because u speak too much English, but when mail comes or phone calls are made YOU are the translator
156. ur dads outside drinking and ur mom is inside playing cards at a party

157. u talk smack about the ppl right beside u to someone else in Lao (HAHA, you know you've all done this before)

158. when ur part of a lao group n someone talks shit about it u stand up for it!!!!

***If you have anything to add, post it on the wall***