You might be a Starbucks barista if...

You might be a Starbucks barista if…

… you refer to 6 AM as "sleeping in".

… you no longer really notice getting splashed by drops of 200-degree water.

… you've ever made or witnessed foam art.

… you've ever tried to get a coin to sit on top of your foam.

… you are proud of your foam, dang it!

… you inwardly cringe when someone says "mocha latte".

… you understand and reluctantly admit that there really IS such a thing as a "mocha latte"… but that customers (generally) don't know the distinction.

… you've asked, "Any whip?" or "Any sweetener?" or "Any room for cream?" more times than you can count - during your most recent shift alone.

… you believe that breve or soy no-foam beverages should be outlawed.

… you've ever said the phrase, "Have a grande, thanks a latte!"

… you believe that the above phrase should also be outlawed.

… the phrase "half-caf triple venti two pump sugar-free hazelnut one percent extra hot no whip three Splenda mocha" makes perfect sense to you - and you're automatically thinking that you need to start steaming two pitchers of milk.

… you can tell the fat content of milk by its appearance.

… you can pinpoint a coffee's continent of origin by taste.

… you can't stand Pike Place.

… you've ever debated about how to properly mark cups.

… you find yourself judging other baristas based on the first three digits of their partner numbers.

… you carry a Sharpie with you at all times.

… you identify days of the week by color.

… you hate blended beverages with a passion (except when you make them for yourself).

… you refer to swarms of middle-school students as "Frappuccino rushes".

… you know a person's normal drink, what kind of car he drives, where he works, where he lives, where he plans to retire, how long he's been married, how many kids he has and how old they are and what sports they play, how many pets he has, and pretty much everything else about him EXCEPT his name.

… the word "EcoSure" strikes fear into your heart.

… you've ever created a custom Frappuccino out of boredom.

… you've ever gotten creative with your choice of syrup while making whip.

… you are resigned to the inevitable mess every time you make mocha.

… you've ever considered contacting corporate about discontinuing matcha powder.

… you have your own theory about why melon syrup (or orange, etc.) was discontinued.

… you've ever nearly suffocated from artificial sweetener dust.

… you know at least five different names for a black and white mocha.

… you've ever accidentally called Tai Chi "Chai Tea".

… you mentally count the number of times you shake every iced tea beverage.

… 130 degrees doesn't sound all that hot to you.

… you can be all the way in the back of Target and pick up on the sound of aerating milk coming from their licensed Starbucks store.

… you know what a "licensed Starbucks store" is.

… (Drive-through) You have a love-hate relationship with the lady in the headset.

… (Drive-through) You've ever tried to imitate the lady in the headset.

… (Drive-through) You can hear that "ding" in your sleep.

… (Drive-through) You are now permanently half-deaf from customers restarting their diesel trucks after giving their orders.

… you are amused and yet slightly offended every time a customer orders a "sausage McMuffin" sandwich.

… you've ever been in warming hell.

… you know what a Stage 7 banana looks like.

… you've ever wanted to "accidentally" make a rude customer's beverage decaf... (or you've actually done it!)

… you hate the "treat receipt" promotion just because it takes so long to explain to every single customer.

… for you, each season of the year is divided in two and begins when the new retail set launches.

… you know what ristretto means.

… your belongings permanently smell like coffee.

… you see letters on license plates and automatically translate them into beverage codes.

… you hear a drink order on TV and correct it in your head (or out loud).

… the terms "spin", "slide" and "sweep" are synonymous to you.

… you refer to regulars by their beverage name. ("Hey, you know that lady, double tall no foam extra caramel caramel macchiato?"…)

… you find dried bits of syrup in random places on your arms/clothes/face/hair/etc. when you go home after work.

… you can blend a Frappuccino and steam milk and pull shots and pump syrup and call out a drink all at the same time and still feel like you should be doing more.


This group is open to all current or former baristas, their friends or family, or really just anyone who loves baristas. :-)


Link to the old group: